Thank you for joining me on this week’s blog post! As always, I plan on getting very real with you guys this week. God has given me quite a testimony, and I want to share more of it with you all!
The Month Before I Got Saved
I have always been a church-goer, but don’t be mistaken. I haven’t always been a true Christian. In fact, I didn’t start a true relationship with God until October of last year.
Life hasn’t always been smooth-sailing for me, but I always managed to get through whatever was thrown my way by myself without running to God for His help, until last fall, the fall that changed my life’s entire course.
I had been in a serious relationship for almost a year and a half with a boy that I was so sure I would marry. For better or for worse, the relationship didn’t pan out like it was supposed to. The relationship mutually ended, but I was left so deeply heartbroken. Adults who are reading this may roll their eyes a little bit and say it was only “puppy love”. However, I was once reminded that “puppy love” is always real to the puppy, so please keep that in mind as you continue to read!
The first month and a half after my break up, I was a spiraling mess.
The first two weeks were awful. I couldn’t eat or drink, I cried in every class that I could get through, and left school early every single day. Sometimes I would go to school ready to put on a brave face, but I would end up crying in my car for an hour before I could even walk into school. I had so much anxiety to the extent that my heart physically hurt and I couldn’t catch a full breath. The only thing that made me feel decently comforted in that time is when I would call my parents and they would pray for me over the phone and encourage me as I sat there crying.
I truly turned into the worst version of myself during that time. I started partying and looking to guys to fill the massive hole that I had in my heart. I was constantly posted up on social media seemingly living my “best life”, but I was actually so broken down and tired of living life.
I remember bargaining with myself about why it wasn’t worth it to keep waking up every day and why it would be easier not to. I remember being surrounded by people who loved me at home or with my friends cheering on the field on Friday nights and thinking about what I could write in a letter to all of them if I had the guts to do what was overbearingly on my mind during that time.
I truly hated life and didn’t see how it could get any better. I had lost ALL hope, until I decided to give Jesus a try.
The Morning I Gave My Life to Jesus
The morning that I gave my life to Jesus was an awful morning for me.
I had spent the night before at a party and came home that evening to cry for hours on my bathroom floor until I fell asleep emotionally and physically exhausted. I remember laying on my bathroom floor feeling completely broken beyond repair.
I woke up the next morning feeling the exact same way. I got on my phone to check my social media like most people do, and I saw something on Snapchat that gravely upset me. It was really the straw that broke the camel’s back.
I was home alone at that point in the morning, and I was at my breaking point. I was ready to end my life. I got up off my couch where I had been contemplating this moment for hours and started to walk towards the medicine cabinet. Just before I got to it, my sister and her friend unexpectedly came home.
I heard God loud and clear.
“EMILY STOP! STOP RUNNING! SIMPLY COME TO ME AND FIND YOUR REST!”
I walked to my parents room, sat on the end of their bed, and gave my life to Jesus.
My darkest moment was really the beginning of the most beautiful journey that I’ve ever been on.
Life After Entering A Relationship With God
Life has never been more beautiful. The last several months certainly have not been perfect, but they have been full of healing, restoration, and growth.
I decided in that dark moment that morning to simply stop trying to do life by myself and to trust God with my broken heart and life. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Most people don’t understand why I am so crazy about Jesus. They don’t understand why I don’t want to party anymore, why I don’t cuss, why I’m rededicated to saving myself for marriage, etc. They don’t understand why I’ve decided to lay down every area in my life and desire in my heart to live a life that honors God even if it means dying to myself.
I always think to myself, “If only they knew exactly what Jesus did for me and what He wants to do for them, then they’d come running to the Cross too”.
Jesus loved me and chased after me when I was at my absolute worst. He knew every sin and flaw and wanted me as bad as ever. He stopped at nothing to bring me home to Him.
He restored my joy and gave me a reason to live again. He turned my whole life around and has used what I once believed was a hopeless situation to bring hope to others who have struggled as I have.
His love and mercy brings me to my knees each and every day. I NEVER want to do life without God again. I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for Him. I owe absolutely everything to the One who set me free from my brokenness and shame.
I am far from perfect and still have my struggles as a person. However, there is nothing like the love and life that is only found in a relationship with Jesus.
I can now look back to last fall, the worst time of my entire life, and say “Thank you God!” I can see the purpose in my pain now. I can see how the worst season of my life was all a part of His perfect plan. Yes, I said His PERFECT plan.
Honestly, while typing this post, there were about a thousand different moments when I wanted to delete everything I typed for one reason or another.
Satan really did a number on me to try and shut this post down…
“What will people think of you?” “People who admire you will judge you for what you’ve done!” “Do you really want to be that vulnerable with people who will probably gossip about this?”
It’s sort of dangerous to the success of Hell whenever God’s children start praising Him for even the chaos and confusion in this life, and I’ve decided that this is a battle Satan won’t win! God did something completely miraculous in my life, and the world needs to know about Him!
I hope more than anything that my testimony can help someone out there who is reading this.
I hope that this post can make someone feel less alone and a little less crazy. I hope that it can offer hope and encouragement to those who find themselves where I once was. I hope that it can show people that they are NOT too far gone to come home to their Heavenly Father. I hope that it can show people that there is a better way to live this life.
If you find yourself identifying with any of these feelings that I went through, please always feel free to reach out to me! *You can do so by messaging me on Instagram* Even more importantly, please reach out to God! If you get only one thing from this post, please let it be this: God is THE answer to every hardship and situation in this life!
Don’t live another day without going through it with Jesus Christ. Will you choose to make life beautiful?